Week 8: Baby Shoes

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn." I posted on the garage sale sign. It was true, they had never been worn. They were all adorable too. All six pairs of them; four girl ones and two boy's. If your imagination was allowed to wonder, you may come to the conclusion that perhaps all these babies died in a terrible day care fire or that they were all sold into slavery before they had a chance to wear them. But what really happened is much worse than either of those situations. What really happened is my good friend, who was putting on the garage had sextuplets. My poor, dear friend's name is Katelyn and she needs alot of help. All of her sextuplets popped out after a very intense labor, 34 times the size of a normal child. Even though her babies are all huge, they all still act like babies. Katelyn's HUGE kids needed special everything, including cribs, hig chairs, and car seats. The shoes that were intended to fit her newborns were all much, much to small. In order to make alittle cash, she asked me to sell them in her garage sale. The poor new mother was currently struggling to change the very large and smelly dipers of all six of her children without getting poop anywhere. Instead of putting the baby shoes at the standard garage sale price of fifty cents, I ampted the price up to three dollars a peice. My darling, miserable friend Katelyn is going to need all the help she can get.

Week 7: Blast To The Past

If I could go back in time, I would want to be in ancient Egypt or in the 60-80's in America. This blog I'm going to pick and elaborate on the ancient Egypt portion. I wouldn't be a gnarly slave that built the pyramids and graveled for a scrap or two of food. I would be royalty! In the times when men wearing robes and sandals were acceptably fashionable, I would rule. Attractive servants would feed me grapes and I would ride on elephants whenever I needed to go to the market. Any men in the land would be mine for the choosing. I would listen to all the dirty details of Cleopatra and Mark Antony's affair and I would advise her not to commit suicide. Although it would be dusty and sort of snake ridden, to be a pharaoh in this time, or even a Pharaoh's wife, would be bliss. As long as I steered clear of Julius Ceasar and his political party, I would hopefully live a long, luxurious, and pleasure filled life.

Week 6: Snow White's Man

Once upon a time there was a man. He wasn't just any man, but a prince. His name was Alec. The prince was on a search for a person.; not a man hunt, but a woman hunt. All he had ever dreamed of is a beautiful, big booty-ed princess. Unfortunately there were no big booty-ed princesses to be had. The prince next door, Prince Justin, had the only marry-able, big booty-ed woman under the age of 70, and she was a cow. So Alec lowered his standards and tried to find a woman that was just merely attractive. But to Prince Alec's disappointment, here was no women any where! The only ones around were hideous and huge chatter boxes. Woman that talk to much were immediately on Alec's Undateable List. He became super desperate. He even attempted to go on a date with Hairy Clairy form the castle across the street, but her mustache creeped him out so he dumped her. He was headed in The Shrine in the Woods to plunge his dagger into his own eye in order to kill himself. Alec was convinced he would never find true love! He rode his horse deep, deep into the forest with his mind clouded with despair. He then can into a clearing and saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. He decided she was perfect! She wasn't hairy, married, and he knew she wouldn't be too chatty because she was dead. So he kissed her sweet, frigid lips. Then she silently to life and she was even more perfect because she was now alive and still quite! They lived happily ever after.